Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
