Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
