How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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