you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
