Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just had sex on a roof
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
