Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
