I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You smell like stripper and shame
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
