When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
