Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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