So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
