I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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