dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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