I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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