I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
