I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
