On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
