dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
