the condom got lost in my hair
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
