Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just cropdusted the office

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  (443): Just cropdusted the office http://tfl.nu/i6zb
  Replies (16) Good night (2380) Bad night (663)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.

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  (843): I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over. http://tfl.nu/mbe0
  Replies (9) Good night (4165) Bad night (606)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.

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  (573): Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving. http://tfl.nu/96e5
  Replies (33) Good night (821) Bad night (3205)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.

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  (918): I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass. http://tfl.nu/pyjz
  Replies (15) Good night (695) Bad night (5150)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I knew I fell for you for a reason

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  (570): just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on (908): I knew I fell for you for a reason http://tfl.nu/lpgl
  Replies (17) Good night (3514) Bad night (1104)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.

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  (919): You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume. http://tfl.nu/gckc
  Replies (46) Good night (13353) Bad night (1025)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed

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  (425): My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed http://tfl.nu/4mh9
  Replies (13) Good night (5140) Bad night (1268)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.

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  (+44): The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps. http://tfl.nu/azhr
  Replies (14) Good night (6830) Bad night (1472)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.

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  (586): Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that. http://tfl.nu/5bcj
  Replies (14) Good night (4911) Bad night (2233)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

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  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (22) Good night (15121) Bad night (1391)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..

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  (847): boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this.. http://tfl.nu/2izx
  Replies (8) Good night (2931) Bad night (764)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle

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  (919): my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle http://tfl.nu/ki3d
  Replies (3) Good night (949) Bad night (2679)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.

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  (269): We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka. http://tfl.nu/2nmd
  Replies (7) Good night (1338) Bad night (605)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this

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  (602): My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this http://tfl.nu/kojj
  Replies (1) Good night (540) Bad night (286)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?

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  (812): You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you? http://tfl.nu/twmm
  Replies (2) Good night (523) Bad night (182)

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