Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
