I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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