how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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