there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
