Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.