Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
