Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
