Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
