ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
