one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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