a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
