what if every blade of grass was a penis?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
