If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
