I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
