I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
