He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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