If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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