Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
