I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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