you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize