Do you still have your period?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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