Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
