Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
