i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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