i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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