Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
