that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
