I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
These tits shall not be calmed
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
