i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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