would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
