I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize