Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
