Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
