She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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