Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
