Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
