you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
