you guys were way drunker than both of me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
