She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
