marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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