I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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