Texts From Last Night

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  (217): View more from Illinois

  he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper

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  (217): he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper http://tfl.nu/swmc
  Replies (55) Good night (12244) Bad night (799)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?

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  (713): I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit? http://tfl.nu/mgmc
  Replies (78) Good night (802) Bad night (3044)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  don't read that magazine bro. I came in it

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  (570): don't read that magazine bro. I came in it http://tfl.nu/xo8s
  Replies (10) Good night (835) Bad night (3713)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.

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  (727): I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused. http://tfl.nu/bje5
  Replies (24) Good night (1123) Bad night (3913)
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  (818): View more from California

  Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?

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  (818): Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales? http://tfl.nu/gvx1
  Replies (30) Good night (6895) Bad night (879)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk

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  (918): my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk http://tfl.nu/q4ib
  Replies (14) Good night (4811) Bad night (763)
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  (805): View more from California

  Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy

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  (805): Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy http://tfl.nu/e3vy
  Replies (6) Good night (2184) Bad night (1075)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.

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  (401): I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type. http://tfl.nu/97ap
  Replies (4) Good night (2482) Bad night (980)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.

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  (641): Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody. http://tfl.nu/w6pt
  Replies (11) Good night (3077) Bad night (1133)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...

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  (509): Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place... http://tfl.nu/dgik
  Replies (6) Good night (1356) Bad night (764)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.

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  (651): Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming. http://tfl.nu/qk4p
  Replies (4) Good night (1764) Bad night (1287)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.

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  (419): I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck. http://tfl.nu/c5ir
  Replies (6) Good night (1653) Bad night (877)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month

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  (517): well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month http://tfl.nu/fhen
  Replies (5) Good night (662) Bad night (1644)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.

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  (541): Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car. http://tfl.nu/sdxj
  Replies (4) Good night (1287) Bad night (326)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.

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  (573): Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes. http://tfl.nu/s6ry
  Replies (2) Good night (437) Bad night (309)

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