And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
