They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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