i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
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IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..