saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it