Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
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i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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