Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend. http://tfl.nu/tpw6
  Replies (26) Good night (672) Bad night (5497)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh yeah that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? (339): Oh yeah that. http://tfl.nu/clil
  Replies (50) Good night (1969) Bad night (5232)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  I love milkshakes.

  (210): View more from Texas

  Not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat. (1-210): I love milkshakes. (210): Not the point. http://tfl.nu/tb5t
  Replies (19) Good night (5232) Bad night (1362)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready' http://tfl.nu/8jmk
  Replies (17) Good night (3702) Bad night (1554)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out. http://tfl.nu/9ic8
  Replies (8) Good night (4681) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed? http://tfl.nu/137p
  Replies (8) Good night (1821) Bad night (969)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is" http://tfl.nu/o552
  Replies (1) Good night (1378) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER. http://tfl.nu/mukx
  Replies (10) Good night (2199) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.

  (936): View more from Texas

  As you should.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis. (936): As you should. http://tfl.nu/jcwt
  Replies (3) Good night (716) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work. http://tfl.nu/jnr2
  Replies (8) Good night (1125) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex. http://tfl.nu/yx96
  Replies (2) Good night (816) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself http://tfl.nu/lvoc
  Replies (6) Good night (400) Bad night (871)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars. http://tfl.nu/ldzi
  Replies (4) Good night (835) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her http://tfl.nu/a25x
  Replies (4) Good night (758) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score! http://tfl.nu/zwep
  Replies (2) Good night (306) Bad night (471)

Randomize