I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked