How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
