anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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