I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
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I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I deserve this hangover.