She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
