mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.