hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
