you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
