I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I had to cum in my sink.
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