My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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