With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
