that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
