i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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