It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
