never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
