dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
