ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He felt like a one man threesome
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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