If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
