i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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