please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize