Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
