I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
