I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
