remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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