I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
